October 1st, 2004
Current Music: Trace Atkins-Every Light in the House...
I had scarcley hung up the phone before I cracked open a beer in desperation. I have sipped beer and I have guzzled beer, but this time I chugged it. 12 FL OZ of emotional salvation in a little silver can.
I feel...ruthless. I feel like I should be able to make things the way I want them. I feel angry and bitter and cold. Stiffled, crushed, and wasted.
I feel impatient.
I'm growing ever more weary of my present situation.
Failure. Absolute failure. It must be absolute. If I haven't succeeded then I must have failed.
I feel a million things, all of them negative in the traditional sense. Unpleasant in any sense.
I came very very close to walking away from work Thursday. It wouldn't have mattered if I did. In the big picture Michael Sanders quitting Advance Auto Parts doesn't make a damn bit of difference. People would be angry to be sure, but it wouldn't really matter. Mostly people would hate me leaving for totally selfish reasons. But then has anyone ever done anything for a non-selfish reason?
Give me your opinion of this(some of you already have): If you have the will then you have the right.
Nothing ever changes for long. I can't understand it. Distance seems to have the most profound effect on some people. For me it's merely physical, the distance effects little more than my sense of touuch. No, I lie, it effects my emotional state profoundly. But the core feeling never changes, never wavers.
I am utterly confused over what to do with my life and apparently I am to figure it out on my own.
Father time is a son of a bitch. He strings us along for days that become weeks that become months and so forth into infinite so forths until finally he runs out on us all together. He plays this trick in reverse quite often too.
This all makes sense to me.
Sometimes I wish I had a religion like most people. Of course the vast majority of them only think they have religion, it's usually the other way around.
I'm tired of typing what will seem nonsense to all of you now.
You are Lucy! Which Peanuts Character are You? brought to you by Quizilla
I think I hate quizes, they always make me out to be an asshole.
September 19th, 2004
Kenneth Lakin: Yaar!
Kenneth Lakin: I've Buckled Me Swash!
maks5837: i don't think i wanted to know that
Kenneth Lakin: Arr!
maks5837: i'm painfully bored
Kenneth Lakin: Ay?
Kenneth Lakin: How about ye hop aboard yer wee runabout, and cruise South to meet yer old mates?
maks5837: oh man, i wish i could
maks5837: i think i may post that last sentence from you
Kenneth Lakin: Aye, ye have my blessing.
Kenneth Lakin: What be stopping ye from making yer excursion to yon hinterlands/
VIRUS - Ouch! Aren't we a malicious little thing
then? You are quite destructive, but can be
very fun to be with. What File Type Are You? brought to you by Quizilla
Well, that's just depressing.
September 15th, 2004
My japanese name is 山下 Yamashita (under the mountain) 雄大 Masahiro (big hero).
Take your real japanese name generator! today!
Created with Rum and Monkey's Name Generator Generator.
Current Music: umm, i just made tigger grunt really loudly
OK, it's been what seems like forever since my last update, so I'm just gonna try to fill in the blank and keep things in order.
Last week sucked ass. I worked 50 hours. Leslie was home for a long weekend but I barely saw her. Jealousy, anger, and depression ensued. We had a big fight...from 400 miles away. That was fun. I ran out of beer and took some of the meprozine Leslie had left over from when she had her wisdom teeth taken out. It kicked my ass. We eventually made up and things are great again..except for the distance.
I finally got some of the badly need work done on my Grand Am. I've also been going to my parents house and messing around with my old Impala I started building like 4 years ago. It's a simple pleasure turning wrenches all alone out in the shop. My dad wants to send the car to the junk yard so I decided I get it cobbled together and have a little fun with it before it gets crushed. Of course now that I've been working on it again, I kinda want to keep it. Like I really need something else to spend my scanty pay check on. Anyhow, I plan to have it running in the very near furture.
Leslie is supposed to be home this Friday and I cannot wait. Unfortunately the damn hurricane is jeopordizing her visit. I'm planning to spoil her with a really nice date. It'll really be disappointing if she can't come home.
Life just isn't the same these days. I almost drive myself crazy trying to pass my off days all alone. Sometimes I wish I had school and friends to keep me occupied. Lunch time at work is another tough time. I don't know if I'll ever really adjust to this change. Why would I want to accept it? It's not what I wanted and I don't like it.
I think it would suit me fine if me and Leslie had this whole big world all to ourselves.
Oh yeah, I fianlly shaved and trimmed my goatee. I really needed to. It looks good. I kept the mustache that makes me look like I just hit puberty though, for now anyway.
Me and Matt were having a political debate until just recently. That was fun. Now we're on to a much more volatile subject.
I need to go to bed. But I don't want to go to bed.
September 11th, 2004
in the mood to hug
Current Music: *click*pause*click*pause*click*pause....
I know a certain someone who's going to lose a certain friendly bet. :~)
September 5th, 2004
Current Music: Merle Hagard-Misery & Gin(thanks Andrew)
What a shity fuckin' weekend this turned into. Have barely even seen Leslie since she's been home. Work schedule is sucking ass. I have to work 8-8 tomorrow...ON LABOR DAY! I'm scheduled 45.5 hours this week, that means I'll probably get at least 50 in actuality. Something seems kinda off at work layely, can't quite put my finger on it. I have a sneaking suspicion I'm not even gonna be considered for the position that's opening up. I'm pretty sure if I don't get promoted I'm just gonna flat quit.
I tried to give Bob $50 today as some sort of rent money. It was fuckin' awkward. He didn't take it. Instead, he said they'd work up a list of chores for me to do around the house. Great, chores and 50 hour work weeks. Guess I'll manage though, I do owe it to them.
I'm seriously beginning to consider selling my car and getting something newer...if I can save up some money. God, that made a good joke didn't it? MONEY. SAVE. HA.
Did I ever talk about the new guy at work? Yeah, he's in the same position as me and they started him out at $8 an hour. You know why? Mainly because he speaks Spanish. Gotta love this motley assemblly we call a nation. Oh, yeah, he supposedly has 7 years experience as a mechanic. Bull shit, I've seen him work, if he was a mechanic it must have been a bicycle mechanic.
Bob just got up. Apparently he's wondering where the hell his wife and daughter are as well.
To all of you who are still in college and working your asses off, stressed so bad you think you're not gonna make it, ENJOY IT! It could be worse, you could be a "college withdrawee" like me.
September 1st, 2004
Current Music: Joanna, rustling through some papers in the newsroom
So, I have alot of stuff to talk about since I don't update often anymore, but right now there's one thing in particular on my mind.
I'm off today, but I went by the store and killed some time. While I was there Dale told me about the new payroll system we're starting. It includes hiring a new AMIT. Bob has said that if this position came up he would promote me. Well, that's very flettering but there didn't seem to be any chance of it happening anytime soon. So being sick of work and disatisfied, and since Leslie was leaving Sunday to go back to FL, I went in an hour and half late so I could spend more time with her. And now the position comes up that I want! Coming in late just for the hell of it probable hurt Bob's confidence in my ability to take over a higher position...with much better pay I might add. So, in short I think I might've royally fucked myself.
Also, my car is a piece of shit. I'm looking at spending about $300 on it in the near future to get it back in shape so I can go to Florida. I hate late model vehicles, you can't work on them yourself, so you spend a small fortune on parts and another one on labor.
Anywho, Saturday I worked 12 hours and then went home and changed to go to Andrew's 21st b'day party with Leslie. I had a great time. It was nice getting to see Kevin and Elizabeth again. They are doing very well, in fact they are right where I'd like me and Leslie to be. We played poker and drank a few beers. Good times.
Well, now I need to go and see if my mechanic can work on my car today.
August 25th, 2004
Current Music: Alan Jackson-Midnight in Montgomery
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cuddle and a kiss on the forehead - you like to be
close to your special someone and feel warm,
comfortable, and needed What Sign of Affection Are You? brought to you by Quizilla
your asshole. What swear word are you? brought to you by Quizilla
You're addicted to.....
Your addicted to nothing at all? Well..... ok I
guess thats a good thing but come on just think
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paranoid Which Personality Disorder Do You Have? brought to you by Quizilla
Grunge! You're all about the music and would even
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